Now dump dodgy judging duo, Si!

WEEK 4 of 'Britain's Got Another Month Before Susan Boyle Wins'.

And Simon Cowell revealed how utterly dismayed he gets whenever a much-hyped duo turns out to be totally useless.

Bit late complaining now, Si. It was you who booked Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan in the first place.

I'm just surprised that with your record for shaking things up you haven't ditched the pair of them by now.

That Paul O'Grady isn't sitting in Piers' chair remains one of the greatest crimes on British television.

And I will take some persuading that last week's breath of fresh air, Kelly Brook, wasn't a massive improvement on Amanda.

Bizarre

Truth is, neither Piers nor Amanda bring very much to this show's table (although, to be fair, Piers has always been pretty good at taking things away from tables.)

And the fact that none of the judges, Cowell included, noticed that the bloke doing an impression of a sax last night sounded more like Orville the duck was typical of their half-assed approach.

Plus, the recent and bizarre editorial decision to turn Piers into the "go-to man" for "comedy" has proved about as welcome as a sneeze in a Cancun sauna.

As for Amanda, she really has to get rid of The Holden Clap. (No Les Dennis jokes please.) You know the one. Arms stretched out in front of her, nose in the air, and a look on her face which says: "Here is my clap. Treasure it. You won't get a more important clap than this, the clap I now give you."

Main beneficiary of The HC last night? Part-time van driver/pizza delivery man/ Rafa Benitez lookalike Jamie Pugh.

A nice man with a tidy voice (like a kindly priest singing a homily) who also ticked Simon Cowell's "I'm looking for something completely new and different" box.

Of course, only a terrible old cynic with a passable memory would point out that going to Cardiff and finding a nervous, slightly podgy, not conventionally handsome, middle-aged singer had more than a ring of Paul Potts about it.

But that's Cowell for you. He depends on people having poor memories.

Why else would he have dared to have pulled the "let's split up a double act" rabbit out of its very old hat again last night?

Now, I'm not saying Sue Son and her "best friend" Janine were not a bona fide duo. But a quick Google of Sue's name does suggest she's hardly averse to performing solo.

Elsewhere last night? Lots of comedy acts which I'm sure looked good on paper but barely deserved the airtime. The knitting grannies were not a patch on the ones from the Shreddies advert.

And the 15-year-old lad who played tunes on his nose (Kid Snot?) would have been sent packing in seconds from SMTV by Ant & Dec.

But the worst turn of the night was Marilyn Silva's Monroe act. Dire in every way, and bordering on the disturbing.

Although the fact that she works as a "doll restorer" does mean she may yet have a future in showbiz.

Doing Amanda's make-up.

FOOTNOTE. Query: Do Piers and Amanda keep really have to keep trotting out the same old cliche: "Do you think that performance is good enough for the Queen?"

More importantly, does Si mind them calling him that?

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