George faces a Brown-turn

TO win the next election, all Gordon Brown needs to do is persuade Tories to start tearing themselves apart.

It's going well so far. His promise of tax cuts has seen mutinous Tories sticking pins into George Osborne dolls.

Our young Shadow Chancellor has about eight days to redeem himself. And the clock starts now.

Gordo has come back from Washington promising a "fiscal stimulus" package on Monday next week.

We're hearing there'll be tax cuts for the low-paid, for pensioners, for everyone. All from a broke government.

But you can bet his mini-Budget will have just one aim: to encourage a full-on rebellion against Boy George.

It will be the usual Brown trick, blowing smoke in all directions - trying to cover up the £60bn black hole in the accounts.

It was HIS tax rises, debt and fiscal incontinence that have led Britain into what's probably the worst recession in Europe.

Gordo promising to save the economy is like Ronnie Biggs vowing to lead the investigation into the Great Train Robbery.

This is what angers Tories. They're thinking: why the hell does Osborne let Brown get away with all this?

Because he spent too much time faffing about, thinking - as Brown did - that the bust wasn't going to come.

I hear he was even thinking of writing a book recently. I wonder what the title was: "How to lose a 20-point poll lead in four weeks?"

I now know at least THREE Shadow Cabinet members who are openly talking about a new Shadow Chancellor. Yet just like the Easter plot against Gordon Brown, this all flounders on one question: who would take over?

William Hague? He'd be great value - but he'd refuse. Too much like hard work. He's been there, done that, got the kicking.

Ken Clarke? He's a popular giant and only he can call Gordo a lightweight who doesn't understand economics. But the Tories can hardly promise "change" if they want to bring back John Major's old Chancellor.

John Redwood? He predicted the crisis and has a beautiful mind. But his Spock-like demeanour tends to scare away voters.

One senior Tory told me last week: "Whoever's next could hardly be any worse." I disagree. Osborne can do it.

This Tory economic non-policy was the JOINT work of Osborne, David Cameron and policy chief Oliver Letwin.

They ALL deserve the blame, for their lazy decision to sign up to Brown's economic version of the road to hell.

They need to reboot. And remember that old JM Keynes quote: "When the facts change, I change my mind."

Osborne can do it. He must pledge to cut wasteful spending, split the proceeds between tax cuts and debt repayment.

He can say: "Brown's tax cut is a con - it will bust you, and bust the country". He needs a clear, compelling message.

But if the best he can do is repeat his line about "fixing the roof when the sun was shining" the Tories will come out.

This isn't the pussyfooting Labour party, who worship the quicksand their leader walks on.

The Tories are by now Europe's leading regicide specialists, and haven't had a kill for years.

Right now it's whispers, confined to the tearooms and the urinals of Westminster. Very soon, it will get worse.

What Gordon Brown wants most for Christmas is a good old gore-splattered Tory mutiny.

And if Osborne bombs after the mini-Budget, he may well get one.

Evil & the Idle

WHEN a truly abhorrent crime happens, you can be sure of one thing: it'll have taken place in a welfare ghetto.

Same with the unspeakable death of Baby P. It took place in the Northumberland Park area of north London.

ONE in THREE is on the dole there - in this city whose job vacancies attract 500 immigrants a day. William Beveridge, the founder of the welfare state, called idleness a "giant evil". It corrodes human nature.

He'd be appalled to find UK welfare used as a lifestyle choice - with four in five jobs going to foreign workers.

This may have helped the economy. But writing off so many millions here has had an incalculable human cost.

Cashing In On Us

IF the Bank of Nigeria opened in British high streets, you'd think the only deposits would come from pigeons.

But no. It's up and trading as www.firstsave.co.uk - offering a generous 4.75 per cent. And doing roaring trade.

And why not? The gullible Treasury is saying the taxpayer will guarantee up to £50,000 per account.

With this assurance the Nigerians - or anyone else - can borrow cheaply from the British public.

Good to see our taxpayers' bailout fund being put to such good use.

Call Up Monica

I SEE Barak Obama may be following Gordon Brown's example and appointing his biggest rival - Hillary Clinton - to the post of foreign secretary with special responsibility for buggering off.

Obama is also expected to bring back Madeleine Albright and Larry Summers in some roles - two more Bill Clinton stalwarts.

All they'll need now is Monica Lewinsky and the old cigar case, then he'll have a full-on reunion.

FRASER NELSON is also political editor of The Spectator