BB boobs over Lucy's best bits

GENUINE shock down at CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER as Davina McCall ripped into a topless model for not getting her wongs out in the house.

That's Davina McCall.

Who, for the best part of ten years, has been employed by C4 to conduct telling and insightful interviews with the evicted housemates yet, for the worst part of ten years, has resolutely failed to come up with the goods.

Slideshow: Lucy Pinder's best bits

And my, what big brass necks McCall and C4 have. Trying to suggest Lucy only got voted out because she kept her puppies wrapped up.

When we all know it was the Endemol-engineered Endless Love duet from Ulrika and Verne (Diana Dross and Lionel Titchy) which solely saved the Swedish loon's ass.

Either way, we should give poor Lucy a break. Because she has surely by now discovered some even more devastating news. Katie Price doesn't like her.

I know - who'd have thought it? Here's a young and beautiful, educated and eloquent, witty and sweet-natured glamour model. And Katie Price takes a curious dislike to her.

As for the "she should have got her baps out" argument, it's plainly ridiculous (even if we ignore the fact it's the coldest January in 30 years.)

It's like sticking Tommy Walsh in there and getting the right hump if he doesn't knock up a few partition walls and lay a new patio by the giant ashtray.

Or throwing a proper strop if Gordon Ramsay fails to have a bunk-up with some randy old slapper in the luxury bedroom.

Not that the house is overflowing with randy old slappers this year (two, tops).

Plenty of celebrity whores though. The lot of them are only in there for the money.

And that's what will eventually kill this series as a ratings-puller.

No one's desperately craving that elusive second or third shot at fame any more. They just want to clock in, do their time and pick up the cheque.

It's like panto, only without the dodgy make-up and silly fake noses (well, for everyone but La Toya).

All of which means for the first time in years we can actually class CBB as light entertainment. And it had been delivering the goods on that score, even before Tommy and La Toya took to the ice.

Sadly, I sense C4 are panicking. And they will now engineer some bitching and fighting to appease those internet forum crazies and pull in a few channel-surfing rubber-neckers.

Just check out the OTT trailer for last night's show: "After one week the cracks are beginning to show. Can the remaining celebrities keep it together?"

Eh? Have they been watching the same show as me? As far as I can see the only real potential flashpoint came on Wednesday as Geordie Announcer Man revealed: "La Toya is in the bathroom with Tommy talking about being a Jehovah's Witness."

Your own fault, Tom. Should never have opened the bathroom door, brother.

CBB Queries. If you put Davina and Lucy's noses on the end of a stick, would it make a great pickaxe?

When Ulrika claimed you should always do what's best for your children, how does deserting a seven-month old baby for three weeks fit in with that philosophy?

After Coolio explained how Geoffrey Franklin Roosevelt Boday is "just a character I'm working on" are we all agreed it needs a lot more work?

When Michael Barrymore was in the cherry-picker was he wearing that harness to stop him falling or to stop him escaping?

When Coolio told Ulrika he doesn't kiss married women cos he knows where their mouths have been, would even he be shocked at her rap sheet?

And finally, will Verne ever propose to La Toya and give her the finest name in showbiz - La Toya Troyer?

EASTENDERS query. How come Billy Mitchell is so freaked out by the dead cat Janine has been carrying around with her all week, yet he's never mentioned the one that Peggy's had on her head since last summer?

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