TV's new Mr Nasty, Piers Morgan, has Got Talent for dodging awkward questions.
Or so he thinks

The BIG interview by CAROLE MALONE

BRITAIN'S Got Talent and its American counterpart had just become No 1 TV show on both sides of the Atlantic when a beep sounded from Piers Morgan's mobile.

It was a text from his new boss Simon Cowell saying simply: "I feel like Dr Frankenstein. I've unleashed a monster."

That "monster" is sitting in front of me now.

As well as his new-found fame as a telly judge, Piers is notorious for coaxing celebrities and politicians to reveal their deepest, darkest secrets.

Watch Piers Morgan interview

Billie Piper famously opened up about her lesbian sex fantasies and said she liked "dirty straight porn".

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg was left looking like an inept fool when Piers asked him how many lovers he'd had—and he admitted to 30.

So will the man who says he can sometimes be a ‘f***wit' open up to me?

Let's try him.

Eight years ago, amid rumours of an affair, Piers walked out on his pregnant wife Marion and their two young sons. As a Catholic, Piers, did you feel guilty about breaking your marriage vows? "Something like that is never going to make you feel good about yourself," he says.

"It's not an episode that made me feel great. But it was a long time ago and I'm glad we managed to stay friends. We've got three great boys and they're growing up really well and it's all worked out fine.

"My wife's been really good about it all. Always has been, and I respect her for that. She could have done things very differently, but she didn't. We've stayed friends and that's been incredibly important to me."

Glow

Former News of the World editor Piers, 43, is always monstering celebrities—particularly A-list stars such as Hugh Grant and Keira Knightley who constantly whinge about fame.

Now that Piers is an A-lister himself, has he gone a bit Hollywood?

Take his teeth. They used to be a murky magnolia colour—but now there's a brilliant white glow coming from his mouth.

"Yes, OK," he admits, "I had my teeth whitened in Beverly Hills. It's my one and only failure to resist vanity. I got so fed up doing interviews in America where they were banging on about how awful my teeth were that I paid £300 to have it done.

"What no one tells you, though, is how painful it is.You get them done, they're bright white and you think, Fantastic! And then the pain sets in."

Then there are the jibes about his weight. Our TV columnist, Ian Hyland, called him a "walking, talking ad for Domino's Pizza"—that's despite the fact he has a trainer in London and one in LA (Hyland says he should also have one on the plane as he commutes between the two).

Piers Morgan and Carole Malone

"The fact is I'd rather be told I look like a Domino's Pizza than be called a talentless t**t," he says.

"I'm actually a stone lighter than when I was editing the Mirror. I don't get hurt when people go on about the way I look. All I care about is what they say about my integrity.

"When I got fired from the Mirror for those Iraq photos some people said I knew they were fakes. That cut me to the quick. My own brother was fighting in Basra the day I published those pictures and the idea I would put his life, and the life of those boys fighting with him, in danger is pretty damn unpalatable.

"That aside, the fact I'm a critic means I can't complain when people dish it out to me. "

And if enough people say I look like a grotesque lump of lard, the upside is that when they meet me they'll say, ‘Oh, you're a lot slimmer than I thought you'd be.'" (He hopes).

So will he succumb to Botox, liposuction or plastic surgery? "No, I never will. I have a £100 bet with Simon Cowell who insists that by 2009 I will have had plastic surgery.

"But it'll never happen. I won't have Botox, veneers or surgery. I refuse to even have my hair dyed— much to the dismay of gay hairdresser Russell on America's Got Talent who comes into my dressing room every week with stuff he wants to streak my hair with."

But maybe Piers becoming slightly more body-conscious has something to do with the fact that for the past two years he's been dating the ravishing Celia Walden, 31, the ultra-posh journalist daughter of former Tory minister George Walden.

I ask the Mrs Merton question— what does a beauty like Celia see in the podgy multi-millionaire that is Piers Morgan?

"You mean how did she get so lucky?" he says. There he goes, trying to bat off the personal questions. I press on.

"Look, I have absolutely no idea what she sees in me. But whatever it is I'm very glad she does." It's clear he's very serious about Celia who, he says, only comes to America to visit when she needs to top up her tan or do some shopping.

"There's a definite correlation there," he says laughing. "I get the call to say she's missing me when she needs a bit of retail therapy."

So, has he asked her to marry him yet? "I'm still married," he hits back.

But you'll be divorced in a few days, I say.

"Yes, you're right, I will be."

So?

"Er, I hope you would respect this, Carole, but that would be between me and her. And if she turns out to be the lucky girl who gets me then you'll be the first to know."

On to Britain's Got Talent—which pulled in a phenomenal 11.3 million viewers last weekend. I ask, as he has no obvious talent for singing, dancing, comedy or being a contortionist, what qualifies him to judge people, to change their lives or to trash their dreams of stardom?

"Nothing qualifies me to do what I do on the show. I can only go in with my former tabloid hat and say, ‘Do these people have star potential?'

"But I dispute the show is barbaric. I don't see people getting crushed the way I keep reading they are. Some of the people on that show are delusional train wrecks.

"Simon's right. He says we're a reality check barrier for these people. It's like, ‘Thou shalt not pass. Full stop. End the dream.'

I say it sounds a bit like playing God. "Simon really does want to find the next big star," he explains. But he also wants to make his next £10million? "Yes, he IS a businessman but why should he apologise for that?" Piers reckons it's all entertainment and even if the acts are terrible we're all laughing with them.

No, I say. We're laughing AT them. There's a difference.

"Possibly," he says.

Piers is already eyeing up his new TV role—as ITV's big-name replacement for Michael Parkinson.

Nothing's been announced but he admits he's in advanced talks with ITV bosses.

"But I don't want to be the next Parky," he insists. "He's a living legend, as is David Frost, and if I could get anywhere near their standard I'd die a happy man.

"But I've spent 20 years building up to this. And yes, I want the big chat show because I love meeting famous, iconic people. But I don't want to be the next Parky. I want to do it my way."

It's a long way from being sacked from the Mirror four years ago.

How did that affect him?

He says he was terrified that he'd never again get a job with any clout.

"I didn't know how I'd deal with that emotionally," he replies. "When you're used to being top dog it's difficult to go back to buying your own pork pies in Sainsbury's."

He'd been so sheltered in his ivory power tower he had no idea how to post a letter (or even that stamps were now self-adhesive).

So what of Mr Cowell? He hired Piers—but he could fire him, too.

"A fact of which he never stops reminding me," laughs Piers. "Yes, it is weird and uncomfortable that Mr Cowell is in control of my destiny. In fact when the show hit No 1 here and in America he texted me saying: ‘I feel like Dr Frankenstein. I've unleashed a monster.'

Crazy

"Even now he still signs himself Dr Frank when he texts. But seriously, I owe him a lot. It makes me cross when people constantly snipe at him. He works like crazy and he's totally loyal to his staff. Simon's one of the good guys—which is ironic given his status as Mr Nasty.

"However he was an absolute bastard when he asked me to meet NBC bosses about America's Got Talent.

"No one knew who the hell I was but he stuck his neck out for me and flew me to LA. I thought the meetings had gone pretty well but a few days later he rang and said in a really low voice, ‘Piers, it's not good news.'

"I was crushed because I knew this could have been a huge break for me. He went on, ‘I've done everything I can but they're adamant. I'm afraid.'

"Then there was a huge pause...‘That you're coming to Hollywood.' I just screamed my head off and ran into the street beating my chest like Tarzan."

So how much does Mr Cowell pay him? "It's vulgar to discuss money," says Piers, even though it's the first question he asks other people.

Is he in a position never to have to work again? "God no. I'm not in Simon's league or even Ant and Dec's." Which means he still won't be short of the odd few million quid.

I tell him someone once described him to me as being 90 per cent genius, ten per cent f**kwit.

"And they're probably right," he says. "When I was an editor I was living a crazy life. I've never denied it had a weird effect on me.

"And I know all this stuff that's happening now is going to end. As my Granny used to say, Cock of the Walk one day and a feather duster the next. But I am calmer now.

"I'm not saying the potential to be a f***wit isn't still lurking. But at 43 I HAVE grown up a bit."

Oh, one last question, Piers. How many women have you slept with?

"None of your damned business," he says.